Is this goodbye?

I've been on and off considering moving to a new home blog. Every once in a while I get this deep revelation of sorts where I wish I had a Twitter account with followers or an anonymous blog that people actually visited so I could share my pearls of wisdom. Alternatively, I could just have a private, online journal seeing as, let's be honest here, it's about the same in terms of the number of people reading it.

Anonymity aside, I feel that this blog is my designated "fangirling" blog. And now that that phase of my life has seemingly passed, perhaps it is just time for this blog to stagnate as well.

Now the real dilemma begins... choosing a name for my new blog. :\

I should be sleeping...

But instead here I am, at my laptop, contemplating the fate of my blog(s).

Since my fangirling tendencies seem to have calmed down for the moment, I was wondering about what I should do with ~blurry eyes~. I started this blog for the main purpose of attention whoring fangirling, as no one IRL really wanted to put up with my verbal diarrhoea about effeminate manchildren running around in make-up. As it turned out, this blog became a good ego boost; shameless as it is, I do sometimes read old entries and bask in the awesomeness that is my writing think that maybe I was somewhat semi-decent at formulating a coherent sentence. So I would like to continue blogging, I just don't know what to blog about. This blog is public (and will probably remain as such) and I'm not really one for posting openly about my private life even if practically no one reads this.

On a similar note, MSN Spaces (or whatever it was called) finally closed this week. I used to write in my blog there back in 2005 and 2006 but eventually stopped. I didn't even know MSN was shutting it down until earlier this week, so luckily I was able to download all my entries as well as transfer them over to Wordpress before that happened. Which again creates the dilemma of what do I do with it? Should I use it? Or should I simply leave it with my old entries solely for the purpose of nostalgia and storage?

I suppose it'll all come down to two things: whether I have time for blogging, and whether I have anything worthwhile to blog about. Perhaps this is good motivation to pick up a hobby?

On the bright side, I actually posted before the end of the month! Way to go me!

Self-imposed obligatory monthly post

So I'm clearly half-assing this whole blogging thing. Yet again, the entire month flew by without a single post... in fact, without more than five seconds of a mere thought of a post. Go me.

I think my fangirling days have officially come to a momentary end. My desktop wallpapers are no longer Reita *gasp* and I barely even listen to any of my prior fangirl-triggering music anymore.

But you know what that means. I have to edit my 'about me'. Which requires thought. And energy. And wit.

Damnit. Should have stuck to fangirling.

Oh, the irony

I mentioned in a previous post that I was thinking about going to one of the US Dir en grey/Apocalyptica shows this year. Happy to say, I made plans and did indeed make it to the venue. Right after Dir en grey finished playing.

T_T

As it turns out, my master planning skills did not take into account a number of various scenarios that ended up happening, thus resulting in my absolute disappointment at not being able to see Dir en grey perform. To be fair, everything that happened was completely unavoidable so that actually does make it a little better.

And I did get to see Apocalyptica perform so it wasn't a total waste. Not to mention that they were totally badass and rocked out on those cellos so hard. I also was not expecting such hot eyecandy to be flaunted before me. I'm quite happy that I got the opportunity to see them that close up but it's a little sad that there weren't more people at that particular venue because they definitely deserve more love.

The one thing that's really kind of depressing, despite the fact that I'm really not that big a Diru fan, is that the venue was pretty small and there weren't that many people (at least not for Apocalyptica's set). So I could see the band ridiculously clearly and when I think that I was this close to seeing Diru that close up... yeah, I kind of die a little inside.

All in all, it was a worthwhile experience and it was awesome watching Apocalyptica's performance. I'm sure Diru will come back, and when they do I hope that I'll have the opportunity and the funds to actually see them this time, preferably in a venue as small as this one.

Listening to right now: the GazettE - Without a Trace

The stigma against visual kei

It's always interesting to see people's reactions to visual kei. I happened to show a Shoxx magazine to a couple of my friends and their reactions were something like a mix of shock, disgust, denial, and dislike. What was even more interesting though, was my own reaction to their reactions. Mild annoyance and discomfort aside, I was surprised. I guess I've been exposed to visual kei so much for so long that effeminate men wearing make-up and girly clothes just seem so normal, lol. What also helps though is knowing that it's a style that is (technically speaking) specific to a particular genre of music. I've begun to realise that people who are not acquainted with visual kei, and who only see pictures in magazines, automatically assume that this is a lifestyle that these men adopt. That they run around everyday in their crazy make-up, flamboyant outfits, and highly styled hair. Which in turn seems bizarre to me because who would really do that?

It also seems to be hard for people to understand why anyone straight would 1) choose a profession where they would have to dress like that and 2) actually like the artists who do this. Apparently because a man chooses to dress like a woman (though in reality it's usually androgynous) it must mean that he's gay. Or wants to be gay. Or is in denial about being gay.
Of course, cross-dressing in Japan dates waaaaay further back than visual kei. Kabuki, anyone? Not only that but sexuality and orientation markers are viewed/interpreted differently in Japan than it is in, e.g. some Western cultures. And just because a man engages in so-called homosexual behaviour does not automatically make him gay anyway. Gay-for-pay, anyone?

I'm going off-topic here, lol.

The whole point of this post was not to go into the finer details of sexuality and culture or to lament the fact that all my friends now think I'm a freak for liking cross-dressing/androgynous Japanese men but just to say that it's interesting how desensitised I've become to the whole notion of visual kei. It's a completely normal style in my eyes, and I am no longer shocked or disgusted by VK bands (with a few exceptions). I've always found the androgyny in VK to be fascinating and attractive, not only because of the omg-guys-dressed-as-girls-woohoo-feed-the-fangirl factor but also because of the make-up, the outfits, and just the style in general. Not to mention that photography plays a large part; I'm sure if I saw J-rockers prancing down the street in all their VK glory I wouldn't find it quite as attractive as a well-taken picture. Maybe, if they were really, really far away?

Listening to right now: DJ Earworm - United State of Pop 2009 (Blame It on the Pop)

It's like an addiction

I was thinking about starting another blog, specifically for more personal entries (since this one is more or less just for fangirling and general interests, and the other is solely for creative works). I mean, it's not like hordes of people even read any of my blogs so what would really be the point of starting another one? It's quite simple really.

Hello, my name is Kryz and I am an attention whore addicted to blogging.

Also, I've found that my blogs are compartmentalised much like the rest of my life. A blog for fangirling, a blog for poems, a blog for personal entries. It truly reflects my need for organisation in my life.

Though, to be honest, my penchant for multiple blogs is a little more complex. Initially it starts off with my need for anonymity. Sometimes the attention whore part of me takes over and I make the blog public (this was the case with words laced with a little hate; shameless plug, hoho). In other cases, the blog is public but remains separate and completely secret, simply because it's easier to become someone else when no one you know is watching, and when you don't have loads of baggage weighing you down. And finally, it's because some people don't give a shit about my fangirling and would be more likely to read my entries if they maybe contained some nekkid pics had something to do with my life (this is debatable).

Multiple blogs also allow me to write in multiple styles. I can slip into different personas depending on the blog; for example, I write much more colloquially here and use more emoticons and the like to express myself, whereas on words laced with a little hate I adopt a more mellow, reserved style simply because of the nature of the blog.

I've been wondering if I should just link everything together though, except that I would lose the anonymity of that secret blog's name. Not only that, but then everyone would know the dirty, dirty things I do in secret, lol.

Listening to right now: FTIsland - 첫눈에 알아

P.S. This post has been sitting as a draft since Saturday, lol. I ended up not even editing it to make more sense.

Cellists and... rock?

Dir en grey just announced their North American tour for this year and I'm considering going to one of the shows. I haven't really listened to them in like 5 years so I'm a little skeptical about going through all the trouble of traveling to see them, not to mention that I'd also be doing it by myself. On the other hand, it would be a great experience to see them live, regardless of whether I'm familiar with (or even like) their newer music.

They're headlining with a Finnish band called Apocalyptica which consists of 3 classically trained cellists and a drummer (according to Wiki). I admit, I was intrigued and so I'm looking them up on Youtube right now. Their music is quite interesting; I like it. To be honest, before I Googled them, I was expecting some kind of stereotypical power metal or heavy rock band with tonnes of screaming and whatnot. I'm pleasantly surprised that they're totally not, and they kind of make me want to go to the concert even more now.

There are a few other upcoming concerts that I'm also considering: Yoshida Brothers, D'espairsRay, and VAMPS.

I first heard a Yoshida Brothers song back in April on Pandora but I never went out of my way to listen to more of them. So I listened to a bunch of their songs today at work, and I wouldn't mind going to see them live except that their dates/venues aren't quite as convenient for me.

I've heard a few D'espairsRay songs but I never really got into them. I recently heard one of their more recent songs, "LOVE IS DEAD", and it's rather catchy although it reminds me of some old song (maybe 80's era?) that I can't quite put my finger on. Again, however, the dates and venues are somewhat inconvenient for me.

And last but not least, VAMPS. I'm not a big fan of their music but Hyde is <3 so I would totally go see them just to be a little closer to fulfilling my dream of touching him indecently see him live. This one is still a bit far into the future so I haven't checked yet to see how practical it is for me to go.

So far the Dir en grey concert is looking to be the best bet here, so I better start looping their songs like crazy to force myself to love them brushing up on their latest songs.

Listening to right now: D'espairsRay - LOVE IS DEAD

And excitement ensues

I ordered new picks a couple of days ago and got them today... whooo! They're 2.0mm and have grooves specifically for better grasping. The picks that came with my bass guitar were thin and got worn down extremely quickly, so I'm pretty excited for these new ones. Not to mention they're purple! Who doesn't love purple picks?

And on a totally random side note, I was recently reminded of this song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x5yPkxCLads
Sad to say, the awesomeness of this song will be completely lost on any non-scientist.

Listening to right now: Infinite - 맡겨

Latest indulgence

I sent my laptop for repair a couple of weeks ago and just got it back yesterday. In the mean time I was using my netbook but now that I've switched back to my laptop it feels almost sinful using such a big screen, haha.

My sleeping pattern's been ridiculously screwed up for the past few weeks since I'm not currently in a lab and I'm supposedly preparing for my candidacy exam. You would think that with all the oodles of time on my hands I'd have gotten a lot more studying done.

I've also been watching a lot of Coat West videos lately which is likely the reason that no studying is getting done. (If you don't know what Coat West is... either disregard this entire paragraph, or do some Googling, at your own risk.) To be honest, the first Coat West video I ever watched was an off shot disc for their ELoS series and I was somewhat surprised and disappointed at how comedic it was (which in hindsight is stupid because it's an off shot disc, duh). But just prior to watching it I had read on another blog something that had probably given me that preconceived notion of "Coat West = EVIL", so that most likely also had something to do with it.
Surprisingly, I kept watching more of their videos, mainly because I liked Taiki (who is now with KO Company under his new name Eiji). But then I started watching them for Sho, Nagi, and Hikaru, who are arguably their most popular "models", mostly because they make for great eyecandy, and also because I like watching their interactions. Hikaru and Sho have since left Coat West but Nagi is still there. I feel lonely for Nagi whenever I see him without Sho or Hikaru now (particularly Sho because I've been watching the NagixSho Commemoration series) just because it seemed like those three were tight. Nagi also seems a lot skinnier than before which is ridiculous because he should be making oodles of money from being in like every other Coat West production. As much as I like Nagi (and because he's really the only person left at Coat West who I find worth watching, aside from possibly Shun who, admittedly, I have not had the pleasure of checking out yet), I kind of want him to leave Coat West since Sho and Hikaru aren't there anymore. And also because I just don't want to see him with all those less attractive guys.

Listening to right now: CNBLUE - Sweet Holiday

A twisted hope

Sometimes I wonder if I can just start my life over from scratch.

There are so many times that I find myself wondering what the heck I'm really doing with my life, am I really happy doing what I'm doing, am I even the person I want to be? I envy the people whose lives seem so fluid and versatile, as though they can just change their path in a heartbeat and follow their dreams. Maybe it's just a phase, or a case of "the grass is always greener on the other side" but I often feel this way.

It may sound somewhat strange but I have this weird belief that gives me hope. I don't really believe in reincarnation per se, but I have this image of one collective consciousness. Like sometimes I sit and think how odd it is that everyone else thinks the same way that I do, in the sense that everyone thinks in the context of "I". I watch other people and they are just that to me: other people. But each of those other people has a consciousness and feelings, and it makes me feel like there are clones of me walking all over the place. But it also makes me feel that one day when I eventually die, there are many other consciousnesses, many other "I"s, and thus many other opportunities for me to experience what I missed out on in this consciousness.

In the end, it just sounds like a twisted version of reincarnation, doesn't it?

Except that it's not like the current me dies and another is reborn but more like all of the "me"s are co-existing and somehow, someway, on some higher level I'm accessing their lives and experiences and personalities even if the current me cannot.

Yeah, I know, it doesn't make a whole lot of logical sense in my own mind either.

Listening to right now: hide - Inside the Pervert Mound

I lack tolerance for stupidity

People's ignorance astounds me sometimes.

There was a forum topic recently about canker sores and one of the posters claimed that they were caused by not rinsing your mouth properly after brushing your teeth which he/she supposedly backed up by posting a link to a scientific paper. Except that the paper was published in 1994, involved only 10 volunteers, and never said that canker sores were caused by the sodium lauryl sulfate in toothpaste (they more or less inconclusively linked the two).

So I refuted the dude's (I assume it was a dude) choice of paper and what did I get for it? A "stfu, stop trying to discredit my statement, rofl". He also said that he was just giving the information since it worked for him and other people he knew.

Okay, first, he NEVER said all that in his first couple of posts with the link. It was just "it's caused by not rinsing your mouth properly" and link. No explanation of "hey, this made it worse" or "this also happened to some people I know".
Second, seriously, a 1994 study done on 10 people? Come on, at least use something more recent than 16 years ago. And anyone who's ever had to back their shit up with research will tell you that a study on 10 people is piss poor support for a claim.
Third, his choice of paper didn't even support his claim! All that paper did was show that MAYBE there was a link between SLS and canker sores, not that it caused them. Even all the anecdotal evidence from other posters didn't show that SLS causes canker sores, only that it definitely exacerbates them in some people.
Fourth, stfu? rofl? Wow, your argumentative skills blow me away.

And btw asshole, I didn't "try" to discredit your statement, I DID discredit it.
Granted that I could have been nicer when I did it but it still doesn't change the fact that I was right.

It's a little sad that I'm letting a stupid forum reply from an idiotic douchebag get to me this much but... I figure that what good is a blog if not as a place for me to vent? Lol.

Listening to right now: F.T Island - 첫눈에 알아

I'm sorry, I hallucinated... what?!

Just got done with the 16th and final episode of 미남이시네요 [You're Beautiful] and I think it has officially topped my list of K-dramas thus far. Ironically, when I first read the synopsis for this drama last year I thought the storyline was silly and decided against watching it. But thanks to my brief fangirling of F.T Island and C.N. Blue, I have now jumped on the You're Beautiful bandwagon. I kind of wanted to see more of the real Go Mi Nam (even though he would have looked the same as fake Go Mi Nam -_-;) but I guess there wouldn't have been a point. Also, I usually find drama music to be... icky... but I actually like the music in this one.
Thanks Jang Geun Suk for giving us such excellent "wtf?" moments, Jung Yong Hwa for the "Shin Woo 오빠!!! *sad face*" moments, Lee Hong Ki for the "o_O" moments, and Park Shin Hye for all her loads of cuteness. It was fun. ^^

I happened across a profile pic on Facebook of some random person from back home and happened to see something about "TYFRUU" in one of comments. At first I thought "SS501? Nahhhhhhhh...." But lo and behold, someone in my home country actually knows K-pop? Not just any K-pop but SS501? Now I know that there are a lot of people in general who are into K-music and K-drama and so it's unrealistic that NO ONE back home is into them but still... I never found anyone who was even into Japanese music/drama (arguably more popular back home than Korean stuff). Where were these people when I was looking for friends?

Listening to right now: 이승기 (Lee Seung Gi) - 꼿처럼

Edit: Turns out I did have You're Beautiful bookmarked as a potential drama-to-watch. Guess I should look at my bookmarks once in a while, huh?

Regrets?

I used to say that I never wanted to regret anything in my life (even though there are a lot of things that I do regret). I'm sure mostly everyone feels this way, and I kind of feel like it's just a cop-out half the time. "Oh well, what's done is done and things didn't go my way, I should tell myself not to regret it so that I don't feel like crap every time I think about it" sort of thing.
But I digress. I think one of the things that I regret the most is not being able to hold onto some friendships that I've had. Sometimes they died because of irreconcilable differences, and sometimes I did something stupid and killed them. I was looking back at some pictures on Facebook from when I went on a trip with a few friends whom I'm not as close to anymore, unfortunately. Anytime I look back at those pictures I feel really happy, and I can see that I was really happy too back then. But it's a bittersweet happiness because I regret not having that anymore. I don't know if things would have turned out differently had the situation been different, or if this would have been the inevitable conclusion since I believe it was due to "irreconcilable differences".

That bittersweet feeling might also be due to the fact that I looked hella cute back then compared to now (probably because my happiness level plummeted thereafter).
I know, I'm shallow.

Listening to right now: F.T. Island - Boy Meets Girl

Exercise for the year, check

I went snowboarding for the first time yesterday and although it was a tonne of fun, I woke up this morning afternoon with my whole body stiff/sore. I'm sure it would hurt less if 1) I could stop falling on my butt every few feet and 2) if I actually moved more on a day-to-day basis. It was definitely worth it though, and I'm glad that I got the chance to try it out.

I also started watching プロポーズ大作戦 [Proposal Daisakusen] with Yamashita Tomohisa after losing interest in 아가씨를 부탁해 [Take Care of the Young Lady] with Yoon Eun Hye after the 3rd episode. I was hoping the latter would be good after having watched 커피프린스 1호점 [Coffee Prince] but it actually wasn't all that interesting. I've only watched the first episode of Proposal Daisakusen so far but it seems like it might be cute. Not quite as impressed with Yamashita Tomohisa's character as I was with Kurosagi but we'll see how it goes.

I saw a clip of Kim Hyung Jun pretending to be his younger brother Kim Ki Bum (of U-Kiss) on some show, trying to get screen time as usual but it was so hilariously cute! The crew was there to interview Kim Ki Bum and instead found Kim Hyung Jun who tried worming his way into replacing his own brother. Which failed when Kim Ki Bum walked up and asked him what he was doing haha.
I also saw a preview of his upcoming appearance on Progamer (not 100% about the name) and he looked really good. Maybe because he seemed more relaxed? Changed his hair? I dunno, but whatever it is I hope he keeps it up. Otherwise I'll have to think about switching favourites. Just kidding, of course! ^^

Listening to right now: SS501 - 넌 나의 천국

My dedication can no longer be questioned muhaha

... Not that it was ever questioned before (at least not to my face, anyway).

Still, nothing like a 15-hour day in the lab to make you relish your life as a graduate student. Who needs a boring 9-to-5 job when you could spend your entire day from 8am to 11pm coaxing bacteria to grow and poop out some protein?

Listening to right now: too tired to put on music L'Arc~en~Ciel - C'est la Vie (this post label reminded me of it ^^)

P.S. Just to be clear, bacteria do not poop out protein.